You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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