My cat gives me a boner
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
