Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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