Swine flu. Run for my life!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
