Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
