Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
