She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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