he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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