Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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