Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He better not be in your backpack
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
