I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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