you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize