im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
