In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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