I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
