I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
