Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
