remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
