I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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