No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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