She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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