and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
