She is in my trunk
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
