It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
