it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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