Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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