Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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