You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
