how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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