Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
