Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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