i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
