Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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