the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
