I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im part way to drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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