so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
