My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
