Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
