Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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