He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
