just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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