Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize