Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
