I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
