You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
