So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
