OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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