Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
