Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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