Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
