"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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