I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
