I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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