i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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