smell my finger.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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