New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize