just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
