With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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