Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
