tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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