only if we run a train.
done.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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