god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Blood and glitter go together right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
