Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize