he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize