so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
