Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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