i'm lost and i look like a hooker
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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