She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
