imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
