I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
there is glitter all over my balls
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
