The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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