gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
