Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
