the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
