I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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